dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we're making bets on your personal life
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
