dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
