i just wanna soil my oats bro
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
