I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
