just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
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Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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