ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Found the puke drawer
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
