When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
