I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
