You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
