did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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