So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
