I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
