You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
