Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
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You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
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We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.