when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day