I love you!
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.