I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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