Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
