Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
