I wanna bring you to show and tell
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
