Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
