he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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