How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm just crazy horny about you
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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