Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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