Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
