I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I didn't shave. On purpose
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
