this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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