My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She needs sedatives and a leash
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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