Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
