I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
