First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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