last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
