dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
