Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
