Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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