I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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