How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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