that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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