our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
