I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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