Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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