Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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