six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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