Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My vagina is very pro this idea
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
