You're my little dorito
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
