I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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