they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
