Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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