i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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