Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
