the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Randomize
