Already got asked if we're dating
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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