We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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