Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
