Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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