I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
