just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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