She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Farmville is her only friend.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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