i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
