I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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