piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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