I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
