My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I have post one night stand depression
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
