MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
