I think scott just propositioned me for sex
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
