Duck Duck Cougar?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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