I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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