Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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