Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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