Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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