meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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