Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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