I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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