we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
