I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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