A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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