I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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