Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
