I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
