U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
