my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
