Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
