Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
