like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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