I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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