I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
where are you?
Hypothermia
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
