I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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